By Yina Liu
‘I just like people who are the same sex as me’
Cong is dating his boyfriend
“I first identified my sexual orientation in high school’, he said, ‘I remember when I had my first boyfriend, I felt, shy, nervous and excited all at once. When we held hands for the first time, there was a sense of dependence and security that I’d never felt before”.
He compared himself and his boyfriend to Adam and Eve, eating the forbidden fruit. “we knew we weren’t supposed to, but it felt so right to us.”
Cong, 23, works in Shanghai. He is cheerful and talkative and has never hidden the fact that he is gay to his friends and colleagues. However, the same cannot be said about his parents and family.
His mother and farther are in their late 50’s and are a part of a generation which does not understand or accept homosexuality. So, Cong has never told them.
This attitude is largely down to ancient Chinese cultural norms, derived from Confucianism.
Confucius was a philosopher and teacher who wrote many books about etiquette and history. Mencius, one of the most influential Confucian philosophers, argued that to fail to have children is the most unfilial of all acts.
This tradition of the importance of marriage has held strong with many Chinese parents leading to many being unable to accept that their son might be gay. It is thought that over 90 percent of gay men in china marry women (China Daily, 2012). It is partly down to these cultural pressures that Cong has not come out to his parents and partly down to his current economic situation.
Cong on his way to work
“when I get a better job and a little more money I will consider telling my parents I’m gay. Having a good job is just as important as marriage.
Cong is a member of a variety entertainment program
When it comes to thinking about the future, Cong is filled with uncertainty,
“There is no plan to get married in the next 10 years. And even when I do decide to marry, I’m still going to be left with the dilemma of do I marry the person I fall in love with or do I marry a girl to please my parents?”
Cong is happy that LGBT is no longer a niche group amongst the younger generation in china, “many people like people of the same sex and thankfully this is a common belief amongst people my age”.
Although Cong accepts his sexuality, he considers himself to be still learning about the wider LGBT community.
“All I want from life is to work hard, play hard, fall in love, get a dog and a house and love myself.”
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